Why ask?! When you care for anyone with illness, it seems at first that everyone is
of course very concerned about the said person, half of which will actually offer
support but then half again will actually follow through and be there and
visit. My God, I adore these people in life they are my heroes. They take the
time out of their busy lives to just treat you normally and actually care and ask
and visit and offer without giving you the guilt of having to actually ask for
help. They don’t pretend to get it but they do remember your favourite
Chinese dish and know how excited you would be over a latest product they
picked up for you because only you’d get it. God they remind me who I am and
I cherish that over everything. I am so lucky to have handful of people like this
in my life...
However, the other 75% of the population of friends / acquaintances give you the:
"Hi how’s your husband? And daughter?", the passing by concern.
Of course, I always reply: "oh they are fine thank you", followed by them saying:
"It must be hard" and me saying ‘yes it is’.
They
bid their farewells and off they pop out into the world feeling great because
they actually asked and feel better for it.
Now I don’t mean to sound like a cow here but HELLO !!!!!!! I am not only here
but I am an integral part of this situation. A genuine "how are things with you?" on occasion wouldn’t go amiss. I work to pay all the bills, I care for my hubby
and daughter whilst balancing not one but x2 very complex diaries, I clean my
home and mow the lawns and balance the books, I ensure I spend quality time
with my family and I help my daughter with her homework. I cook from scratch
mostly 7 days a week whilst trying to fit in a couple of runs weekly so that my
new found food addiction to cope with life doesn’t end up with me having
heart disease and Type 2 diabetes - I am clearly not one that can be out of the
game at this point. I also have to cancel nights out with friends I know
sometimes I let them down because despite working my ass off my family need
me and I don’t always have spare cash!!
I’d rather none asked than just being emptily offered a "how are you?" because 9/10
times they just don’t want to know or are fishing for gossip.
Generally I’m ok -
thanks for asking. Some days I’m shit when you ask but I know you don’t really want
to hear this and I hope you never ever have to deal with half of
this. Just please do not give me the ‘look’ or the patronising ‘pity voice’, I don’t want or need it. I’d
rather you just crossed the street because in fact I’m a busy woman. The whole illness process has in fact ensured I have a life filter.
I no longer have time for the sympathy crap or the fair weather friends who
are just around for the good times; you are either in it or out. I really don’t mind but
dear god pick a side because our life is too precious to waste and I really just
want positive people in it, who want to be there and if you don’t want to then
that’s all fine with me I’m so good with that and I hold no malice towards
anyone, trust me this shit is as hard as gets it!!
Just please don’t ignore me or ask me how I am out of guilt or for gossip I just
don’t have the energy for life drains anymore.
This one is for me # youdecide #life legends #herestothat 25%ilove youdearly
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